Ask a Trans Person

Anonymous asked: Hello! I am wondering about trans-adoption. It's not something that will be happening for me any time soon, but I'm pre-everything ftm, in a commited relationship with a woman...but from what I can tell it seems like it's almost easier to adopt as a same sex couple than it is as an ftm/female couple? do you know of any information on this any resources to look into? thanks!

I actually had to look this up, I’m a trans man who isn’t really interested in adopting or having kids in general, but I know others may feel differently.

I don’t know the full answer to this, and I would assume that it would depend heavily on where you live, and where you’re planning to adopt.

Here are some resources I found from a basic google search:

• http://itsconceivablenow.com/2011/09/18/transgender-adoption/
• http://www.transparentcy.org/Resources-Family.htm

These were the first two results I found, they seem to be more outlines, advice rather than an actual how-to.

I hope this helps.

-Andy

Anonymous asked: Hi, I've got a question regarding FTM trans. A dear friend of mine just announced she's Trans, which is great we all feel like she's been on this journey of transition for some time now. What I'm curious about is previously she identified as a lesbian and is in a very committed relationship with a woman who also identifies as a lesbian. So if she's transitioning from FTM will that then technically make her and her girlfriend straight if she's now identifying as a male. Thank you for any feedback

If he and his girlfriend identify as male and female, respectively, then that would generally be considered a heterosexual relationship. Using proper pronouns makes your question pretty much answer itself.

Of course, just because someone’s in a heterosexual relationship doesn’t necessarily mean they’re straight: bisexual people exist, as do mostly-gay/lesbian people who occasionally swing the other way, and pansexual people, and all the other something-sexual people.

That said, who cares? Why does it matter what “technically” their relationship is classified as? They’re two people who like each other; that’s all that really matters.

~Amber

——————————-

I actually read this question out to my roommate and his girlfriend to hear their input. My roommate actually wanted to be mentioned in the response.

My roommate met his girlfriend about 5 months ago, they met when she was still identifying as a queer man. She came out to us as trans two months ago, and started presenting as female within those two months.

See, when my roommate met his girlfriend, he identified as a gay man, and still does.

Your partner’s identity does not change yours, and vise versa. Your friend’s girlfriend can still identify as a lesbian, it’s her identity, and you friend has his own. If you want to know how his coming out as trans has changed his label, ask him. We can’t speak for him.

Love has no strict rules, you can’t help who you fall in love with.
Gender and sexual orientation are the same way, there are no rules.

I’d also like to add, while we don’t know you or your friend, we would like for you to respect their choice in pronouns. A general rule of thumb, that if someone confides in you that they’re trans and tells you what they identify as, then it’s a good idea to start using the corresponding pronouns.

From experience, and from speaking to others on the subject, one of the worst feelings to experience is to not have your pronouns respected. Not just by strangers, but by friends, especially close ones. It hurts, and can lead to more dysphoria than just a stranger mixing up pronouns.

But as I said, I don’t know your friend, I don’t know your relationship with them, so I suggest you speak to him about the subject. Ask him how he feels, and respect his decisions.

-Andy 

Anonymous asked: Is there a chance that I will be denied hormones because I have a past with self injury and suicide attempts?

I highly doubt this would happen. diagnosis standards differ depending on a country and a doctor, but before being diagnosed you should go through number of tests. basically your doctor should make sure you’re healthy now and your dysphoria isn’t caused by any disorders(schizophrenia, for instance) other than Gender Identity Disorder, if not you can start the treatment, otherwise in my country they would have to treat it first, before making a decision whether or not you should go on hormones, but I know people who suffer from depression and medically transition, so it can’t be a rule.

never hide your medical history from your doctors, even if it means you’re not getting hormones right away. be responsible and stay safe.

-Oliver.

Anonymous asked: any tips on coming out to your parents?

You could sit down and just be as straight forward as possible without overwhelming them. It’s a lot to take in and you have to realize this. If you cannot talk to them you can write a letter. You could write an email or text, but I feel a letter is more personal. Whether it’s a long detailed letter, or a short note “I am transgender and my name is ____. I love you” or something along those lines would work, in my opinion. It doesn’t have to be anything spectacular. Just let them know how you feel, basically. 
Good luck

- Mike 

_____

I wrote a letter to my mom coming out. I think writing that it’s not their fault and they won’t lose you as a child is important. I’ve heard of many parents who at first think it’s their ‘fault’ somehow that their child is transgender. For my mom it took some time to embrace my trans*ness and I think that’s totally okay for someone who was raised in a society where transkids are displayed as abnormal or freaks. Just be honest about who you are and be honest.

-Ben

rose-colored asked: What is it like to start going by a different name than your birth name? Even though your birth name doesn't match your identity, what do you feel inside when you hear it/see it? Does it feel like a previous you? Is there any nostalgia for the sound of it at all?

Anonymous asked: after realising and coming out to my girlfriend, and explaining to her how T and possibly surgery will change me, she said she doesn't think she'd still be attracted to me. we've been together for almost 2 years now, we live together, and since we love each other we're not sure what to do - i really want to transition but if it would upset her, i'm not sure what to do for the best. has anyone been through something similar here?

There are many people that have been in similar situations.

One of my friends is currently married, and when she came out to her wife they had a huge fight. Her wife told her that if she went through with her transition that they would get a divorce. They’re still married, and my friend is happily going through her transition with her wife’s support.

The question you have to ask yourself and your partner is… which is better?

• Being happy with your partner but not being happy in your own body?
• Of transitioning to allow your body to become who you are inside, but have the possibility of your partner not being attracted to you anymore?

You should also ask your partner whether she loves you for who you are or does sexual attraction play such a large role in your relationship? Because while some things are fast acting while taking T, most of the major changes are slow. Many people change in the course of a relationship, even in ones where no one is transitioning.

Relationships are hard, but it’s also important to remember to discuss both your feelings and your partner’s feelings. All I can say is communicate.

EDIT: Sorry I had just woken up, there isn’t a harsh line between the “choices”, it more of: not transition and make your partner happy, or transition and there is a chance that your partner might not be attracted to you anymore.

If you do decide to transition, that is your choice, but to make things work as a relationship, it take both of you to make it work.

-Andy

I agree with the main point Andy has, but I don’t think one has to choose whether to be happy with their partner, but not in their own body or the opposite, what sort of decision is that? if you chose your partner over yourself in this case, I’m 90% positive your relationship wouldn’t work out cause you wouldn’t be comfortable in your own skin. I’d suggest being as open as possible, discussing everything, making research about transitioning together, following/contacting trans* people’s partners. one more thing that comes to my head is TMatesFTM youtube collab channel. good luck!
-Oliver

Anonymous asked: I think I might be developing anorexia, are eating disorders common among transpeople or is this just a whole other issue?

It’s just as common in trans* people as in cis people.

It is a whole other issue, but at the same time it’s connected. Many trans people are susceptible to self destructive behaviors (eating disorders or self-harm) that has ties with self-esteem and depression.

If you fear you might be developing anorexia, talk about it with someone you trust. Like anything else you need support. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your family or friends I suggest going to a counselor or to http://www.ceruleanbutterfly.com/.

Cerulean Butterfly is a wonderful resource for anyone with a eating disorder. I have friends that swear by it. It’s a supportive community.

-Andy

Anonymous asked: Sorry, what I meant by "tendencies" was sometimes/frequently having thoughts about being/wanting to be the other gender, without actually being transgender and whether that was usual. Most of the time literally all I can think about is wanting to 'be a guy', I sometimes think the opposite and think about how it'd be to be a 'cute girl', and I can't work out whether that side of me is my attraction to females or something else. I find it hard to tell the difference between envy and attraction.

Maybe you’re a bit genderqueer?

Gender and sexuality are both very fluid, it may take a while to figure out where you are on either scale. And your gender doesn’t always have to be the same throughout your life.

Don’t worry, plenty of people have this fear.

-Andy

Anonymous asked: Generally speaking, is it more likely that someone would be homo/bi/pan/etc. with trans tendencies or a transperson with doubts? Just having a minor identity crisis.

First thing you have to remember:

Gender identity and sexual orientation have nothing to do with each other. A trans* person can have any sexual orientation.
I’m going to use my friends as examples, my roommate is a trans guy who is gay, my other friends is a trans guy who’s straight. I myself am ace (asexual). 

I also don’t know what you mean by “trans tendencies,” gender is how you identify yourself, how you present yourself to the world.

If you would like to clarify what you meant, please send another ask, I would love to talk to you about this.

-Andy

______________________________________________________________________

Andy’s right. it’d be absurd to claim it’s more likely for someone to be gay or hetero based on their gender identity, those two are separate issues. however, I’d like to add that in my experience it is actually way more common for trans* people to identify as bisexual or pansexual(in particular) than for cis people. what I think causes this phenomenon is the fact trans* folks tend to be more open about and aware of both gender and sexuality in general. we are more likely to understand how much what one has in their pants should not be relevant and how much binary sucks(that’s why pansexuality is so idyllic). 

-Oliver

Anonymous asked: If an FtM starts hormones, and his dad has a lot of facial hair, will the FtM be more likely to get facial hair through genetics even if they wouldn't have with their original hormones? (I think I phrased that right...)

yes and no. you can’t predict anything for sure, but of course chances are way bigger than if the person’s dad wasn’t hairy. testosterone generally emphasises features visible in your male family members, but you could always inherit facial hair growth intensity from you mother’s side of the family and f.e. start to resemble your mum’s brother or father rather than your own dad.

-Oliver.